Desire. I have desired - deeply; Desires so deep that I was haunted and tormented by yearnings and desperations for something that was yet to come to life. Desires so carelessly and recklessly conjured by mine Soul that before it even tasted life, I experienced freedoms rush through me - I was liberated before life could liberate me; I was freed before life could free me and I discovered that True Freedom; Absolute Freedom came to me long before I thought possible.

Desire, desire, desire - She constructed this Life for Mine Soul and revealed something to me that I never saw before and yet in its moment of revelation - it was ever so obvious. I stood at the Centre of My Life with all of Desire in Orbit around me. I stood in the Home that I dreamt of - and felt the very forces of nature alive in it. I felt it - that it was alive for me; it was alive to support me; it existed to support me. I felt it - that it was there to rejuvenate and refresh me; I felt it - that it was there to provide Warmth; a temperature that was specifically designed such that mine Soul feel its Own Warmth. I felt it - that it was there to take care of me and look out for me. The more I felt it - the more I felt of myself. The more I felt it - the more I could see, I could see that I was looking directly into the Mirrors of Mine Own Existence. The more I felt it - the more I felt there was a timeless wisdom honouring the timeless wisdom within myself. The more I dipped into the Waters of Mine Home - the more I felt Its Sparkling Essence was of the Essence of Mine Soul; the more I realised that I was bathing in the Sweet Sensualities of Mine Soul; It was the way that only these Waters could Replenish Mine Soul and Mine Soul only - for the Waters desired selfishly that I exist in the Sparkling Essences of Mine Soul - it replenished without request; acting in Its Own Will. The more I sat beside its Fires and felt the Warmth of Mine Own Soul - the more I saw that it was the Fires of Mine Own Soul Warming Mine Body. The more I felt of My Home - the more I felt of MySelf - for what else would any Home of Mine feel like, when Mine Soul; Mine Existence is Home, ItSelf.

I desired Love. It was beyond desire. I could feel it in my bones that I was born to play with Love - to seek it; to discover it; to explore it; to yearn for it; to desperately desire it; to live for it; to live in it; to be of it and it of me. Love has lived with me in one way or another for as long as I have lived. I have experienced the soul and source of Love everyday of my life in one way or another - in my full blown awareness and experiencing of it; and even in its perceived absence - I knew Love existed within me, as me, and of me. What does Love feel like to me? Presence; It’s just there; communicating with all of me; alive inside every part of me; moving - the way Love moves through ItSelf; ever in motion to love every.single.part. of my ever expanding Soul. It never misses or forgets any of me - it is very dedicated; focused; committed; devoted; Almost anticipating; expecting that there is more of me to Love and when I arrive - it’s all-ready there; Prepared Potions of Love ready to pour all over Me!

When I stood wrapped in the Arms of my Beloved - I felt Love spanning throughout the threads of my Existence; I felt Love rooted my Existence in ItSelf; In its purest essence, I felt the Soul and Source of who I am alive. When I stood wrapped in the Arms of my Beloved - I felt the Doors of Love’s Freedoms flung open; that I was Infinitely Existing. When I stood in the Arms of my Beloved - my Soul, She was thriving; She was flourishing - these color-full bands of My Soul unravelling and flowing through the timeless-ness of my existence. Ahh this.is.Love! This is Love - when the Soul is soaked in the Purest Essences of Love, it exists without pauses or full-stops. Love reveals to the Soul its own freedoms; its own invincibilities.

The more I felt of Love - the more I felt of mySelf - no, it was exponentially more than that. See, my initial spark of desire for Love was laden with a desire for my Soul to experience ItSelf. I desired to experience the Soul and Source of who I am ever so intimately; ever so deeply; ever so infinitely. I realised that I desired not for attainment, rather desire in my heart led me to the Absolute; to my Absolute Self; to my Absolute Source. Desire led me along a journey of realising that I have truly never yearned for the attainment of a thing. See, Desire opened the Doors of My Absolute Self and walked me through each and every one and part of me was ever reaching towards something; part of me was waiting for something. This feeling of ever reaching of ever waiting did not feel natural to me and I felt that I was living in a constant state of contradiction because as My Absolute Self - I was ever in a state of the Ultimate Fulfilment - where I was Complete; Complete and Ever Expanding; Still and Ever Unfolding; As my Absolute Self, I effortlessly existed in this state - that at any moment I could translate it into feeling; emotion; thought; word; some form of creation. This feeling of ever reaching and ever waiting did not feel natural to me as I could effortlessly feel that my Soul was Satisfied; Serene; Happy at any given moment. I realised that the very nature of my Journey was born anew and what I once perceived it to be, no longer was for My Soul was ALIVE in its natural state of Autonomy - that it created itself freely moment to moment. All of the Divine Life within was in a constant state of motion of ever creating itself moment to moment to moment to moment to moment. I understood that reaching for and waiting on, was unnatural to who I am; to who I allowed myself to become. All of Me exists in a single moment of Time; Exists; Present; Here; Now; Creating ItSelf; Experiencing ItSelf.

New Clarity burst forth within me ever so gently. I felt that I broke through this Ceiling - that I no longer had to stay in an internal world that no longer resonated with who I was and further more I have to acknowledge the Beauty and Grace of Creation that I could experience something like this! In one moment, I realised that I resided in an entirely new inner world! I do not know when I packed up or when I moved or when I arrived. I just knew that I was there. I live in a World where my Soul LIVES; my Soul LIVES to experience ItSelf. The Jewel that is my Soul exists to experience ItSelf. See, for sometime - I was bi-lingual; speaking the Language of my Soul and speaking the Language of a ‘who I thought I was’ ‘till I realised that I was saying two entirely different things. I love the unending consistency of my Soul, for it was ever saying to me - I am this; I am now this; and I am no longer that, I am now this; I can exist entirely beyond that which you have been perceiving; and I am existing as I absolutely am. See, essentially My Soul LIVES while I desire or so it was, because, NOW, NOW as My Soul LIVES, so too do I LIVE and I would not have it any other way.

(Some Bonus Thoughts)

I abide entirely by Mine Soul’s Innate Autonomy.

I feel it pertinent that One’s Journey be given the opportunity to be entirely re-defined because the opportunity does exist. Naturally, through the forces of Nature - the Journey re-defines ItSelf; re-births ItSelf. The Soul’s Journey naturally renews ItSelf; Becoming One with Self; One becomes One with the Journey, ItSelf for in Knowing ThySelf the Journey becomes deeply and naturally Intimate. See, the Journey exists beyond a Divine Reflection of the Self; the Journey exists as the Self! The Self looks in the Mirror and sees ItSelf; the Journey peers into the Mirror and sees ItSelf; The Soul blissfully ALIVE; play-fully experiencing ItSelf!

~ Written by: Chelsea Avasa Khan

Date - 03.08.2023