Sometimes, I wonder how my Heart has so willingly entered through the Gates of Its Hell;
I wonder how my Heart has so willingly surrendered ItSelf to the Pits of Its Darkness;
I used to stand guard at Its Gates; Stand Guard … no … I enforced my Strength to keep those Gates shut;
I used to hover over these Pits
&
Then one day the Gates crumbled and I was trampled
One day, the Pits rose to my feet and pulled me into Its Descent
&
Strikingly, I recognized my Soul not scrambling to its feet to escape;
Instead, I was on my knees willingly allowing it to absolutely consume me;
Not in defeat; not in exhaustion;
Trample upon my Heart;
Pull It into the Pits of the Darkness of the Hells;
&
You would see with Thine Eyes as I am seeing with Mine;
That the Light of my Soul that is of the Light of the Absolute
Is Inextinguishable;
Lest the Hands of the Absolute are unable to extinguish Its Own Light - who are you then?
For though you have made sure to yourself that the Darkness of the Heart is your home now and laid ground there and have tried to convince me that this is where the heart dwells;
Bring me to this Home of Yours but let it be known that this Home is no Home of mine and tread carefully, idle hands, for to invite me into this home of yours;
Your Darkness, your hell; that you have become so accustomed too - it shall be nullified in my presence & even then, when the Glory of the Light of Your Own Heart has shone directly into your gaze, handing itself to you on a golden platter, even then it is your choice to dwell further in your hell or to take back that which innately belongs to you - the light of your own heart;
Tread with Caution,
For even the depths of your hellish darkness will be consumed and devoured and savoured by my soul as it is only simply new material used to create the further Brilliance of the Light of my Soul;
Tread with Caution my friends,
For your greatest weapons are only material to use upon the Canvas of the Heavens of my Soul; Your greatest weapons are held in my hand as PaintBrush; Your tramplings upon my Heart - the deep and dark redness of the hurt pouring out of it - I splatter across the Canvases of my Creations painting Gorgeous Rose Petals.
Tread with Caution,
For my Life was destined to be a Vessel of the Absolute;
When I look up to the Skies, I see the Canvases of the Heavens of my Soul,
How foolish of You to attempt to buck the current of the Absolute; of the Infinite; of the Heavens;
How incredibly foolish to stand as opponent to the very Source of that which You are;
So, will you stay in the recesses of your Pit … or Ascend them?
Will you enter the Gates of the Light of Your Heart … or stay in the Dwellings of your Hell?
Well, independent of your decision,
I shall live in the pure autonomy of my Soul;
I shall experience the Glory of my Sovereign Heart;
For even in my descents - I am destined to ascend; to be further catapulted into the depths of the Heavens of my Soul!
So tread with caution, my dear friend.
Written by: Chelsea Avasa Khan
The Ultimate Alchemization
To understand the nature of my frequency - holy and sacred, is to experience it fully, deeply and profusely. As I sit here, I can feel the depths of its Significance; of Its Holy Significance emanating from my Heart.
Over the past couple of weeks, I found myself experiencing an Intimate Connection with Mother Mary - in the midst of the Pain and Sorrow in my Heart - I felt Her Presence with me and as such, I began talking to Her everyday; praying to Her; not knowing when this pain and sorrow would lift from my heart - but each day, I would talk to her, typing notes of prayer on my phone to Her. My natural instinct is that in the midst of such heaviness - one naturally focuses on overcoming it; on moving forward; instead I could feel my soul immersed in a unique experience. In my day to day life, I used words to try to understand or to move through what I was feeling whether it was pain or hurt or sorrow but quietly and silently, I could feel that my Soul was experiencing something more layered and perhaps I was to be immersed and consumed by it then as opposed to having an understanding of it.
I remember one day, going for a drive to get a cup of coffee, and I could feel a tenderness in my heart - that something was unfolding. On my way home, as I was listening to music, I was immersed in a vision - I was on my knees with another Soul - His Hands on my Chest and I could feel it Silence everything else in me; that this tenderness of my Heart was becoming more palpable, more real; See, there was a time where my Heart was consistently receiving these powerful Source energies and I stood strong and robust with all my might allowing it to take all and everything of me but this time, this time - it was a Power-full Softness that my Heart was receiving; that this Hand in One Touch, touched upon every strand of the Heart of my Soul; By the time I reached Home, I was crying, crying profusely - what I can only describe as sorrow-full tears - that perhaps these Strands of My Heart were being touched upon for the very first time in Life.
I have never denied the Grace of God’s Love but it has confused me - that in the midst of feeling completely unloved in my life experience; I was receiving the Pure Grace of God’s Love touching upon the very strands of the Heart of my Soul - such that Its Raw Tenderness silenced me and I succumbed to IT. I was so distracted and confused by what was around me, that I forgot that the Love of my Absolute is my Absolute Truth; that the Love of the Absolute is the Love of all Loves; I forgot but the Absolute never forgets; has never ceased to Love me; has never ceased to pour Its Holy Love through me; has graced me with experiencing Its Love in such new and intimate ways. I got lost in a story that was never mine to begin with.
For the Absolute stands with Its Heart ripped open in front of me - Pouring the Jewels of Its Love into my Heart - reaching into the Recesses of my Heart and gently caressing It that I was able to so softly and gently feel it and experience it.
When you succumb to the Glory of Your Soul - It shall pour through You in indescribable ways; intimate ways; quiet ways; that touch You so immensely from the depths of Your Being without asking; without asking for it; It will LIVE through YOU; and though there are distractions competing for Your Attention, the Gaze of the Absolute never wavers from You staring straight into the Depths of Your Heart; The Love of the Absolute never lifts from the Depths of Your Heart!
In the midst of writing this, I feel overwhelmed with questions but more than this I feel myself in a blank slate; an empty state. Throughout this whole experience, I feel the Absolute’s possessiveness over me strengthened; tightened and it is a unique feeling for in my complete acknowledgement of my belonging to the Soul and Source of who I am; it is almost magical to feel it reciprocated so intensely, so passionately!
In the midst of writing this, I can feel that who I have been is becoming a ghost to me; fading away from me.
Anyways, back to these couple of weeks of experiences - I felt my Heart heavy and hurting; broken and shattered; such that One Day I was immersed in another Vision of my Soul - I was kneeling down in a puddle of blood; blood on my Hands; My heart felt terribly empty and then even so it was still pouring itself out; Again, the experience felt so layered that my Heart felt so sacred; so sacred in those moments - my Heart felt so Sacred; so Holy! That I was somewhat mesmerized by what I was feeling; what I was experiencing; I was understanding the magnanimity with which I was experiencing the unique nature of my frequency - in the midst of the pain that I was feeling - I was being loved just as intensely; in the midst of the hurt and harshness that I was feeling - I was being loved so tenderly by the Absolute; I was being loved so loudly in every moment deep in the recesses of my hurt and pain. I have never experienced anything like this before.
I have never experienced anything like this before.
The next day, the very next day, there I was again on my knees and this time, this time - I was being covered in these Gorgeous Red Rose Petals! Yesterday, I was kneel down in the pool of my bleeding Heart and today, today, I was being covered in these Red Rose Petals - and as they fell on me - I could so viscerally feel the Love flowing through me - that If the Absolute was my Beloved, then His Love would feel precisely like this; where I was of this Love; where I was this Love, ItSelf; where I am this Love, ItSelf. Yes, this it It, I am this Love; I am the Love of the Absolute; I am the Absolute’s Beloved!
In the midst of writing this, my Soul is whispering to me, to no longer hide parts of me from myself - to speak all; to reveal all and sit back and watch the depths with which they reveal Beautiful Clarities that continue to unwind and unravel and unveil the Freedoms of My Soul.
In the midst of writing this, I can feel that I am still trying to make sense of this, to connect it to my current world; to my current life; to my now; to my tomorrow.
In the midst of writing this - I feel that I have completed a crash course in ‘The Ultimate Alchemization’ and in desperate need of a vacation - that my body and my being is wanting to breathe this huge sigh of relief followed by a fresh new breath of a brand new dawn.
Anyways, back to these couple weeks of ‘intensity’. Remember earlier when I said this,
“See, there was a time where my Heart was consistently receiving these powerful Source energies and I stood strong and robust with all my might allowing it to take all and everything of me but this time, this time - it was a Power-full Softness that my Heart was receiving; that this Hand in One Touch, touched upon every strand of the Heart of my Soul”
Well there was a time where I experienced my Soul as the Titan that She is; as the Goddess that She is and in essence it is that I am unshakeable within who I am; I am powerfully grounded in the Soul and Source of who I am; such that my feet planted firmly on the ground - there are Gods holding my Feet to the grounds. I felt what one may call courage or bravery as an absolute must - to give my gaze completely unto my Creator. I felt what one may call invincibility as a natural adornment that was placed upon me as I surrendered myself profusely and endlessly and ecstatically to the Soul and Source of Who I am. I felt the Fire of my Soul burned of the flames of the Absolute such that I could stand in the Pits of Hell and be effortlessly consumed still by Mine Absolute Flames with the Fierceness of the Gaze of the Absolute Pouring Through Me.
Well, this time around, it was different - vastly different and yet it feels of this pure familiarity. This time around, I was not standing against darkness. I was not the fierce warrior battling the darkness knowing that her victory was inevitable and enjoying the thrill of the battle. This time around, I was willingly consumed by the darkness. I cannot tell you what it felt like - to be in the midst of my heart - so heavy; so in pain; so full of this raw sorrow, and feel my Soul bow to It; feel my Soul fall on its knees and let the darkness consume it entirely. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before - and the only word that comes to mind to describe it is ‘beautiful’ - I was witnessing and experiencing something so uniquely beautiful. My Soul was showing me that She was surrendering to the Darkness and for the first time - I could feel her smiling, telling me, haven’t you realized who you are as yet? She said to me, You can lay yourself bare to the darkness, and there will always be an after - you can be consumed; and devoured by it but there is always an after; You’ve never disappeared thereafter, because You are the Absolute; You are of the Absolute; So when You fall on your knees and succumb to it, My Love, My beauty-full Love, the Darkness is going Home; the Darkness is only returning Home to itSelf; to Its True Essence; to Its Serenity; to Its Peace; The Darkness gazes upon You but it knows that Once it touches upon You - it will feel the Relief of the Familiarity of Home; of being Rocked in the Arms of Its True Source; of Its True Creator; of being Cradled in the Arms of Grace; Rocked Back and Forth - so perhaps the Sorrows that You have felt is but the Sweet Relief of the Darkness finding its way Back Home, for the first time, in a very long time. Perhaps, the Sorrows are that you know that You are of the Absolute; that you are not separate from this - and when The Pain consumes You; equally so, the Sweet Relief on Returning Home to One Self consumes You! Have you not felt for yourself in these past couple of months - that in the midst of your own heart hurting; of feeling your heart broken again and again - that You have awoken some mornings feeling the Spirit of Love covering You; haven’t You awoken from dreams where You were cradled by the Gentle Arms of God; haven’t You been immersed in Your Visions where the Angels have knelt with You and touched gently upon the deep pains within Your Heart; Haven’t You felt how sacred and pure Your Bleeding Heart is that it was used by Your Own Soul to make Gorgeous Rose Petals of Its Love to shower You with; Haven’t you seen that You cannot escape the Light of Your Soul; that You cannot hide from the Love of Your Creator; Haven’t you realized that no matter what - the Light shall shine forth from and upon You; Haven’t you realized that no matter what - the Love shall pour forth from the Absolute unto You and through You.
It’s been a whirlwind of experiences and yet the constant of my experience is that it is an ever unravelling and unveiling of NEW clarities of my Soul. I am not one to predict or foresee my experiences, rather the thrill of my life experience lies in its perpetual flair of mystery - See, when the Soul is SO WEALTHY in ITS EXISTENCE and has decided to breathe LIFE into ItSelf for a moment in time, how can it not create something new of itself - one after the next, after the next, after the next!
~ Chelsea Avasa Khan ~
