Messy - Part 1

This week has felt so confuffled and so messy. I’ve been feeling a myriad of energies. 

See, sometimes I move in what seems to be an obvious flow - I feel the clarity that I need to focus on; I feel connected to myself and to my life and I navigate day to day from that established flow.

And then there are weeks like these where it feels like a lot is being reset; a lot of new energy is coming into play. Some moments it feels quite constricting and then I can feel it opening up within myself - expanding and breathing new Life into me. 

Overall, I feel that who I am has become even Lighter in ways that I never anticipated. I used to feel these ebbs and flows of my clarity unraveling and there were moments where it felt heavy and somewhat dark. I got accustomed to moving through those energies - even anticipating it in my day to day life. Now, I can feel that experience is no longer a part of who I am or my Life. 

In so many ways that I am fully yet to grasp within myself - I feel even Lighter within myself; within my Life. My connection with God; my connection with myself; my connection with my Life - feels lighter and lighter. This week, it almost feels like that prior heaviness and darkness has been getting a first hand look at this New Lightness - seeing and really feeling and connecting to all the ways that I have changed. 

I say heaviness and darkness in the way that as I flow - becoming Lighter and Lighter - what previously was, naturally feels heavier and darker; as I have moved into a space within myself where I understand myself more clearly; where I can see myself more clearly. 

I can see and understand that who I am now in this moment encompasses and embodies all of my connections - my connection to myself; my connection to God; my connection to Life. 

I feel that much of my experience lately within my personal ascension; expansion; evolution of Self has been so hands-on - not just experiencing it; but moment to moment having that internal dialogue of the clarity of the experience flowing. 

Much of my experience has trained me to let go with ease and grace so that I feel the new spaces of Life that have opened up to me and for me to experience. 

It’s like this morning I woke up - feeling a little worn out, a little sad - had a bit of a cry and then slowly as I got into my flow of my ‘morning’ routine - I felt that new space of Life opening up within me. 

It was one of those moments of letting go with ease and grace. What am I letting go of? Just whatever has been part of my flow recently - the energy, the thoughts, the feelings, the focus, the movement; letting go of the routine of that flow and allowing space for new energy to flow. 

It was a moment of moving beyond my own constricting energy and sort of like opening the doors and windows within my self - allowing the fresh air to blow. 

I feel like sometimes it is necessary to create an energy of a ‘big picture’ of sorts that allows you to settle into it; establish routine and flow; moving day to day in that; where it allows you to create and at the same time you feel grounded and stable within that energy of the ‘big picture’. 

The energy of constriction comes in right on time - when it is time to move on and move forward. Suddenly - where you settled yourself previously feels very confined and you understand it is time to experience more; to be more; to create anew; to feel even more grounded and more stable somewhere else. 

Today, I felt my connection with Life - softly and quietly renewed. It is something that I have been wanting to feel for some time now. To say the least, I have felt somewhat exhausted with Life - no matter how much I tried; my Eyes just looked at Life with this dullness. But today, that moment felt so different for me. 

I wasn’t reaching for it anymore - it found me so quietly. And it makes sense right - the Lighter and Lighter I become within myself - my connection with everything else changes naturally. 

Natural change is what I have become accustomed to - it is where I am real; Life is real; here and now. That moment today, just felt like I wasn’t convincing myself that Life is good. Rather, it felt like it was flowing from this stream of light and wisdom within me - where I softly awakened to my intimate connection with Life; to my natural connection to Life. 

Before, within these past couple of weeks; months even - in spite of that dullness that I felt towards Life - I acted on all the things that connected me to my Self; to my Real Self. I wrote and I felt connected. I did all the little things that I enjoy about my Life and I felt connected. I cried and ranted when I felt like it was all too much and I was exhausted trying to make sense of things that didn’t make sense to me anymore and I felt connected. I did all these things everyday in some capacity and at the same time - Life felt a little dull and exhausting to me. 

Now, I feel that Life was very kind to me - giving me the space to feel what I was feeling. Never forcing me to see it differently. Even when I tried to force myself - my Heart was pretty convinced and I stopped trying to force myself. 

I feel that throughout this whole experience - it taught me to see for myself all the ways that I am so easily and naturally connected to it. It taught me to see for myself how open my Heart was to experiencing it; to exploring it. 

It never forced me to see it differently - it allowed me to experience it fully and naturally allow my Heart to come to its own conclusions. 

Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan