Messy - Part 2
& Yet in confronting the messiness; in acknowledging the messiness; in allowing it to be a part of my experience - I feel a greater sense of organization within myself now. See, stay with me for a moment as I explain this. Within us all - there are Jewels of Creation; Jewels of our Existence; Jewels of ourselves that we get to bring to life and experience and create all the things that matter to us - individually & collectively.
Through my own Jewels I have been understanding myself more and more; exploring those Jewels - seeing what’s within them. See, for the most part I’ve understood the Nature of my Jewels - bringing to life the clarity that I feel within my Heart. The day to day experience of giving life to this clarity has allowed me to understand myself more clearly.
There are times when I feel things so powerfully inside of my heart and it can feel so personal and intimate to me. I get confused trying to make sense of it; trying to figure out why I feel the way I do; try to clear it; try to release it; get frustrated because I feel no sense of relief or clarity. But today, I realized that this was a misperception on my part. The truth is it is personal and intimate to me - these things that I feel so powerfully inside of my heart but I attached it to a part of me that I didn’t need to. It was already attached to my Heart and pouring itself out of me. Sometimes, I just need to slow down and sense the Nature of the Clarity and the Source that it is flowing from.
Sometimes, it very much relates to who I am - Chelsea, in her day to day life. But, there are times, when it relates to the Heart of Humanity and it presents itself to me in a very Real and Direct Way so that I can sense its significance; pay keen attention to it and bring it to Life so that it can be felt and experienced and shared.
Simply put, Inspiration is always right there in front of me - something waiting to be heard; to be seen; to be felt; to be experienced. I see that more and more clearly now - where Creating feels a lot more lighter and a lot more free.
I’d say the other significant thing that my Jewel of Creation has taught me - is putting mySelf first; putting my Heart and Happiness first. There was a time where I felt like being a Vessel to this Jewel of Creation was of utmost priority and after some of putting that first, it exhausted me. I would feel that bringing to Life this Clarity was a matter of life or death for me - which I know sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s the heaviness that I placed on it. I felt constricted, which is the humor of being a human - as I realized that I was constricting myself.
Now, understanding the Nature of this Jewel of Creation - I feel lighter and more organized within myself. I see first hand again and again every day - the familiarity with which the energy flows in all its diverse ways; and the ease with which I can create it in my writing. I don’t feel like I have this Infinite Energy just throwing itself at me and overwhelming me and I have no control over it. Instead, I can feel how naturally organized and focused it is.
So, today that’s two major points of clarity for me that allows me to experience a greater, sweeter and lighter quality of my life - slowing down enough to recognize the Nature of Clarity that’s flowing through me and navigating how it wants to be created; how it wants to be brought to Life; & understanding that the Clarity itself is naturally organized and I can let go of those experiences of feeling overwhelmed by it and instead just allow my Heart to open more to experiencing the fullness of it.
I know that it’s been a lot lately. It’s been a plethora of experiences. I’ve felt confused and frustrated - confused by my own feelings; frustrated when clarity didn’t flow. I’ve felt more and more en-lightened within myself - seeing and understanding myself more clearly; feeling lighter and lighter; allowing those lights to be switched on; not walking around in the darkness so much anymore; letting the Lights shine on my spirit in all the ways that it desires too. I’ve grown in ways that I never expected too; in ways that I wasn’t consciously reaching for.
I’ve been tired and exhausted and just wanting things to feel a whole lot more at ease - consistency; I just wanted consistency of that ease. And when it didn’t come - it was less about going with the flow and trusting the process and more about just letting myself be; be real; be myself; whoever I was in the moment.
I stepped out of old Selves and stepped into new Selves. I held close to me the Simplicity of Life where I always felt the most at peace and the most alive.
It’s been a lot - but I love my experience; who I am; my Life. It’s why I have the strength in my heart to be present here and now and give myself fully to it; letting it reveal itself to me, moment to moment. It’s been a lot and just constantly in motion - but I never forget the Love and Care that I feel from God; that I feel holding me. I never forget that everyday; everything that I have created allows me to be in such an intimate and conscious communion with my Soul; with God; with Life; with the Heart of Humanity. Okay, maybe sometimes I forget, but I know the Depth of Spirit that I embody; that is encompassed within my being; that surrounds me and my Life. I know fully what allows me to be all that I am and to live as I am.
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
