To move away from my past - so that my present encompassed and embodied the realness and depth of who I am; of the pureness of what Life has to offer - I’ve continuously and consistently stayed in the presence of what I was creating. I caught wind of it and then it completely took over - showing me the way moment to moment.
When I felt the quiet whispers of my past within me; what at times felt like a quiet haunting grip on me that would never let go - I would consciously shift my focus away from it - focus on what was real to me - what connected me to myself; to the world around me; what conencted me to my heart. I needed too, to fully immerse myself in the wholeness of what I was creating now.
But it never sat well with me - that these quiet whispers had such a grip on me - that it felt like at times - I needed to make a dash for it whenever I heard it.
Recently, something has changed within me - shifted within me. It feels like what I would call - a Jewel of my Life - a Jewel borne of the life I have lived. I’ve been so wrapped up in all these layers of the graces of healing - that I never imagined that part of that Grace - would be to be adorned with - The Jewel of My Scars. Those whispers that once brought forth a sense of anxiosuness within me - now I feel myself wearing the stories and experiences of my past … and it feels … it’s a raw kind of beauty-full.
Being adorned with The Jewel of my Scars makes me feel more rawly connected to my life - to the life that I have lived; to the life that I have experienced.
Being adorned with The Jewel of my Scars - I feel more intimately that I took my Life into my own Hands to create the experience, the reality of what I needed. More than desire - when you feel the realness of who you are so vividly and viscerally alive in your heart - it is necessity to bring it to life - to sustain yourself in this Life.
Being adorned with The Jewel of my Scars - I don’t hold that reactionary feeling inside of me anymore and I can’t express to you what an incredible feat this is to me - to no longer feeling part of me just quietly needing to run.
A Jewel borne of all the Life that I have lived - all the quiet feats that I have accomplished within my Self.
A Jewel borne of all the Life that I have lived - all the quiet feats that I have accomplised within my Self.
She stood face to face with Her Past and she could feel the lightness of it - that she was eons away from it - that it no longer held her inside of it.
She stood face to face with Her Past and she realized that every.single.day and every.single.moment that she chose HerSelf; Her Truth; Her Path; Her Knowing - it all added up. It wasn’t a dramatic climax - it was a peaceful and light awareness. A Gift to be able to stand in the World of Her Past and feel that she became everything that She set out to become - that She knew it was waiting for Her and She went forward to claim it all. A Blessing of An Experience to be able to stand in the World of Her Past - and not an inch of Her wanted to run; and no part of her tensed to stand her ground to protect what She was building - because She existed so effortlessly in the pureness of who She is.
She existed so effortlessly in the pureness of who She is - She LIVED every day … every moment in that PURENESS - living out loud whatever her heart asked of her - to stand her ground when needed; to soften into the goodess of Life; to listen to the call of humility - asking for forgiveness; apologizing to hearts that were too hardened to receive love even if it came in the form of a sorry; to speak the clarity of what was in Her Heart - when it felt misunderstood; mistreated; dishonored; disrespected; undervalued; to keep going and to keep going forward.
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
