I don’t know where to start or how to start or what is going to unfold within this post. But I’ll start and we’ll see where this goes. 

This year has felt like my Soul has given me these ‘Packages’ to open up and explore and experience. Each package has felt layered with my Soul’s ascension; with the Collective’s Heart of Humanity; with mySelf; with my Life. It’s been more than layers - it’s felt like contradictions were experienced as naturally co-existing; polarities and everything in between were flowing through my heart. It’s been an absolute, present and in the moment experience - experiencing more of God; experiencing more of myself; experiencing more of the Heart of this Life. Each package full of ‘presents’ to be opened - sometimes the experience of the understanding lasts mere minutes and then it moves on to another. And in those ‘mere minutes’ - it feels like I’ve experienced such a depth within myself that I did not anticipate. 

That’s what these past couple of nights have felt like - and that’s another thing, these ‘Packages’ delivered to me by my Soul - they take such good care of me. I could feel that I needed the quiet solitude of the nights to experience all of the energy that was unraveling itself inside of me. Needless to say, I wake up with my body, my bones feeling exhausted - in the aftermath of feeling into and bringing to life these energies. 

Sometimes, the energy feels like I am wading through these thick, dark, murky waters - it doesn’t feel like light or dark; or good or bad - rather, it just feels like there are more parts of my heart that are wanting to come out and express itself - even if it is just a word, a sentence, a feeling, an emotion. But I have experienced this many times over the past couple of years, so much so, that I know that feeling of wading through those heavy waters are a passing experience - and there is the jewel of clarity that effortlessly emerges when Grace calls it in. 

I think that Life is full of Creations that are constantly calling you closer and closer to yourself - moments, where time slows down, and you can see and feel yourself alive in something. Throughout my Life - those Creations have found their way to me ceaselessly and softly; and I have held them close to my heart; even clinging to them at times. Life is constantly creating more and more and more of those things - that ultimately make you feel connected to yourself; to your heart; to your life. It’s like the moment you hear it or see it - more than feeling a sense of belonging; you become more solidified within yourself; within your presence. 

And from there - it’s like you’re now opened up to getting to know more of yourself. Those Creations are inspiration; encouragements - that not only allow you to experience your innate connection to Life, but it leads you to ‘The Presents’ of Your Presence. There are so many things inside of you that are waiting to make themselves known - and they don’t sound like anything else but you. It’s like reaching that moment where you cease making sense of the World outside of you - and begin to see the World inside of You; and begin to hear your voice; and begin to feel your heart. 

I feel that this year - I just wanted to/ needed to feel more connected to Life; more a part of Life and I s l o w l y started to realize how I belonged to It; how softly it held me; how intricately interwoven I was into Its Vines - into its motions; into its flow; into its growth; into its becomings. Experiencing my unique journey of ascension of and within my Self - is such a naturally spontaneous and in the moment experience (and yet it is intricately designed by my Soul) - the experience is all encompassing - it pulls me in on all levels of my being. Sometimes, it can be quite exhausting and tiring - but I’ve always wanted my experiences to feel personal and intimate and not just view myself as a Vessel of the Process. And Life helped me to fine tune that experience - more than that Life helped me to see how a part of it I was and not how apart from it I felt. The Simplicity of Life and its everyday routine that catered to my connections to my mind, body and spirit - allowed me to feel more centered within myself; more grounded. 

I guess that experiencing the energies of ascension can leave you feeling a bit disconnected from the World around you after - this feeling of not being held by anything; it’s like a cold, isolated, sometimes scary feeling. I feel that in the past, I tried to do things like meditate or to listen to something of a traditionally divine nature to feel more at ease in those moments, but it felt like I was forcing something. But this year, this year it was entirely different - just allowing myself to come out of those experiences of ascension; of clarity; of understanding; of the intensity of the energies; to come out of that and just walk into the simplicity of my daily life - changed the quality of my life and my experiences. 

I guess looking back now, Life softly held me in the simplest ways this year. It felt like - I know that God is good; I know that I am good; but Life - I was navigating feeling safe and at ease within my Life. Life showed me that just as I am, right here and now, I am effortlessly intertwined within it. You know, sometimes you can feel like an Outsider - that’s come to terms with being on the outskirts; and yet your heart wants to be on the Inside - and then Life comes along and shows you that your Heart is naturally linked to Its Heart. It shows you that It Lives because Your Heart Beats within It; It Lives because of your Existence. It shows you that you can never be outside of that which depends on your very existence!

But I know how hard it is to feel that sometimes, I know how hard it is to even catch wind of such a feeling - even harder to let it become something more than just a fleeting feeling. I know Life gets complicated - I know that sometimes the more you live, the more complicated it gets; the more confusing and heavy it can get. I know how deep, hurt and pain gets buried - at least the buried are laid to rest but this hurt and pain is never at rest. It just cements itself in its heaviness. I know how scary and volatile the hurting and the pain can be. I know how Life slaps its constant judgements and its gawking eyes onto your heart. I know that sometimes, it’s like you have not a clue of where to start or how to start or if even getting started will get you anywhere; or if starting could mean your own demise because you have no idea what starting would bring. I know that sometimes, it feels like we’re all pitted against each other in this Arena - but all I see, all I feel are hearts that desperately want to feel safe; want to feel at ease; want to feel held.

And even so, I feel that Life never gives up on US - Life is always finding Ways to get through to us - if only we lend our hearts to a moment of grace; if only we’re willing to break open our hearts just a tiny bit - and let some fresh air in; if only we would give ourselves a chance - to come back to ourselves; to come back to Life again. 

I’ve felt all of it - and I still do - I’ve found more of myself within - the heaviness; the hurting; the pain; the fear. I just always feel that it wants to tell me something more of my heart; more of my life; more of Life; so when I feel it holding to my Heart - I bow to It; I succumb to it. I wade through the heaviness of it - and then, then Grace comes in - and the heaviness of it all lifts and I feel a new part of me; a new part of Life cemented within my being. And I immediately move through my next moment - walking with a renewed sense of complete-ness; of whole-ness. I guess what I want to say is that the whole experience is beyond Life guiding you through it and holding you through it. It’s so intricately designed for you - to delicately carry you through each moment of it. 

Because when you feel your heart healed - which hand did you use to stitch it back together. And when you feel a new lightness in your heart - after wading through your experiences of pain and hurt - where did you go to bring in that new lightness? And when you’ve been feeling left out in the cold and disconnected from everything and thereafter you start feeling the warmth of life moving through you again; feeling the life of new connection moving through you - how did you create that warmth; how did you weave together those new connections that brought your spirit back to life?

It takes bravery and it takes courage to even want to come back home to yourself; to even let in the possibility of truly coming back to life. But it takes humility to realize the Pure Intelligence of the Thing that is constantly nudging you and calling you to yourself again and again and again. It takes Humility; It takes Surrender; It takes Succumbing to the experiences that are layered in so many ways to cater to you in every way possible - so that you feel your Heart alive and beating inside of you again. It requires Respecting the Sanctity of Grace and how profusely it is showing up for You. Because Grace knows the Power of Your Pulse and Grace knows the Power of what you perceive as ‘small steps’. Those ‘small steps’ makes way for so much to just gently and consistently unfold a little at a time. A little at a time - so that your trust within the experience grows; so that you unravel your innate trust within yourself.

See a little goes a long way; A little only goes a long way because what you perceive as little, is a moment of you allowing the fullness of your innate power to unravel itself in a moment of time. 

A little goes a long way; A little of the Divine; A little of the Human Spirit goes a Might Long Way, my Friends!

Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan