Everything feels different Now.
She reigns over the World that once held her captive.
For no-thing can hold captive the Soul;
For no-thing can hold captive the Absolute.
She said,
“I am my Light;
I am my Darkness;
I am my Life;
I am my Humanity;
&
I am of that which I eternally belong to!”
She said,
“I have found Home; my Home within them all!”
She said,
“& I am my Heart which encompasses it all
& My Heart is of the Heart of the Absolute.”
In my pure consciousness; in my pure existence - I am with everything;
For a need for independence, indicates a reality of dependence on something outside of myself.
A need for freedom indicates that something outside of me is keeping me captive.
Getting swept up in desperation, indicates that something outside of me has power over and of me
&
None of these are of my truths; None of these are of my absolutes.
I loved her indomitable spirit.
I loved her and those moments where she felt quietly shattered;
She clung to the bits and pieces of Life that still held her reflection;
I loved how she awoke every day and got up - when her heart was filled/ weighted with such a consistent quiet heaviness - a heaviness quietly overflowing from her heart that made her body want to fall to its knees.
I loved how quietly she clung to those morning cups of coffee - that while Life felt so fragile - in those moments, She could feel Life holding her - gently; covering her for some time in the tender warmth of its shade.
I loved how one day - She could wake up and feel a little more whole than yesterday & I loved how She just welcomed it - welcomed it, when two pieces came together; when five pieces came together.
I loved how easily She would welcome the Way the Gentle Graces of Life were piecing her back together again.
I loved how She let me in, in Ways that I never asked of her. I loved all the new ways She opened every vault of Her Heart to me;
I loved how I thought her brave and courageous but She never quite accepted it - She told me that it was the only Way!
She said,
“When your Heart has laid itself before You - plain to see as the Skies above - the only way forward is to bow before it and become its scribe.”
I loved how She taught me that I was not to deny any part of my heart;
She taught my Heart to no longer flinch at ItSelf;
She taught my Heart to see its relentless and ceaseless power;
She didn’t LIVE because She was headed somewhere. For when Grace becomes Primary to your Experience - You don’t know where it’s carrying you or if it’s carrying you or when it will show up - it has its own rhythm of consistency.
In those moments - you create from where you are live-ing; you create from where you are live-ing and well, you begin to see - to see that pieces are not coming together in the Way that you once understood,
See, there is no culmination - or rather, there are many quiet culminations. Instead, you begin to see that Grace is showing You that EXPERIENCE; the LIVE-ING is the fullest the picture will ever be; it is the most complete the puzzle will ever be.
Grace teaches You that She gives You healings not to be healed; not for the perceived culmination of the healing - but to experience your-self intimately; deep inside of yourself; intimate experiences.
Grace gives You mysterious paths to traverse for the EXPERIENCE-ING of it all; not for the culmination of a mystery solved. For the adventure of traversing paths within yourself that you have never dared walk prior - You are allowing where you have once hesitated; You are accepting where you have once denied; You are allowing and accepting of the hunger and thirst that you has lived quietly within the deep recesses of your heart; The hunger and thirst to taste more of yourself; to see for yourself what is upon these paths that can truly quench all that your heart has been thirsting for.
It’s drawn out; worn out; exhausted.
The waiting that is.
It’s drawn out; worn out; exhausted.
I never realized how much of an emotion - waiting - is.
I never realized how much a part of me - the waiting - is.
Waiting?
It’s the part of me - that is yet to move and more than ready to move.
It’s the part of me; the part of my story - that I feel that I have intensely grown out of.
Needless to say, if there is such intense waiting, then I gather that there is an equally intense arrival that is awaiting me.
I feel that whatever the arrival, I am at the train tracks awaiting it.
I am at the train tracks awaiting the arrival. As I stand there, I am saying goodbye to the ‘waiting’. Because, whenever and whatever the arrival, I cannot hold on to the part of me that was the ‘waiting’ anymore.
I guess that I’m not waiting anymore … I’m arriving somewhere …
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
