Conclusion
I smiled today … in quiet moments with myself … I smiled.
Even as I sit here writing this … I am smiling to myself.
I smiled today … with ‘strangers’ as if to say, will you take in this moment with me, will you share this moment with me? This moment where I find myself smiling from the inside out.
Last night, before I fell asleep, I felt this light, this soft light around me, like I was inside of this soft light and I felt loved, so loved. The moment came upon me so quietly. I was feeling the soft illumination of love - love lit up from the inside out. I can feel it now as I am writing this. In so many ways - it just feels like I have returned to myself.
Over these past two weeks, I felt that my Soul illuminated all the ways that I had outgrown myself and all the new ways that I was meeting myself for the first time. I saw all the ways that I outgrew who I was and illuminated in understanding, I was there, ready to let go moment to moment. I saw all the ways that I was meeting myself for the first time - there were new illuminations of past understandings that I held within myself; new illuminations that made my heart, not just feel lighter, but just made it feel more grounded, more real. See, I can’t help but feel that I walked with a lot of misunderstandings in my heart; that I was meant to have this confusion in my heart and naturally, that fuelled a desire within me to have clarity.
Everything that I am and everything that I have lived allowed me to feel the experience of my heart being illuminated; of my heart understanding itself; of my heart just knowing itself more intimately. I understand more clearly now, how my Heart literally speaks to me in many ways - in my visions; delicately unraveling all its layers to me. I have been able to see and experience what is inside of my heart - the good, the bad and the ugly. I have been able to peer directly into my heart.
Sometimes, it just brings tears to my eyes - because I can feel the power of giving yourself to your destiny - you give yourself to the intricate workings of God; of the Divine; of the Absolute. That my Soul can curate these layered experiences for me to feel my Heart so intimately ALIVE.
My Soul and I - in intimate communion with each other. Over these past two weeks, the conversation has flowed ceaselessly; seeing so many reflections of myself; feeling my Heart unraveling itself.
There were moments where the general energy of it just felt plain icky, murky, dirty - just like old, old, old, energies. But the phrase that I kept repeating to myself was - the only way out is through; I knew that it was moving out of me and I was just feeling it passing through me.
These experiences are full of this quiet and pure sacred magic - they flow in and just consume you, you become so invested in it; in its every moment. It becomes your entire world - your thoughts, your feelings, how you’re moving through your internal world. It is profound in its nature - you’re so purely, viscerally, first hand experiencing yourself entering into new understandings of yourself, seeing your heart in new ways, consciously choosing new reflections over the old, tired and worn out projections of who you once were.
You’re letting go of old hands, and there are new hands there waiting for you; to hold you.
You know you have to take hold of those new hands - because those hands are taking you to YOU; to YOUR STORY; to all the layers of YOUR STORY.
I need to resurrect my relationship with You;
My Faith in You;
My Pure & Innocent Faith;
Beyond the wisdom; the know-ledge;
I need to return to the root of it all - where it all started; where it all began;
I need to return to my Roots - where I inherently and innately knew that You were taking care of me;
Where I was you Be-loved;
Maybe I’ve expressed it in words - in feelings; in conversations;
But, I need to return to its ROOT where it was purely alive inside of me; purely a part of me;
I need to remember & resurrect in my Heart; in my Life - what You mean to me; what You are to me;
Remember,
How this heart of mine totally and boldly surrendered ItSelf to You many times - again & again & again;
How my faith in You ran so deeply in my blood; in my veins; set in my bones;
Remember,
That place in my Heart where I gave unto SERVING YOU
Because I knew that SERVING YOU was inherently SERVING my SOUL in ways that I never could;
So when my Heart was broken; shattered;
I stayed with all its broken pieces and shards because I innately knew that I was serving the depths of my Soul;
Of OUR SOUL - the ABSOLUTE in Ways that I could not yet understand
&
When You started putting my Heart back together, I felt how You wanted me there every step of the Way
To see; To feel; to experience the Grace of the Hands of the Absolute tending to my Heart in the most delicate; profound Way;
That as I stand Here wanting to resurrect my relationship with You;
I realised that we moved Way beyond a Relationship of Surrender & Faith;
Ground Work - we were on the ground experiencing Ourselves moment to moment - sitting with all these broken pieces; looking at what happened; peering into all the shards;
Moment to moment to moment
Smoothening out the roughness; the sharpness of the edges of those shards;
Somehow, in my surrender, I gave unto You; myself; my Heart; my Life; my Soul - and allowed You to have your Way with it;
I called out to you
You answered from inside
Inside of my Heart;
You spoke to me directly from inside of my Heart;
I have never known my Heart or myself so deeply; so intimately;
I have never been able to experience my Heart so effortlessly; so natually
Telling me all of its ‘Secrets’;
As if it was constantly telling on me, all of my Secrets that I have been keeping from myself;
Lately, I have been listening with keen ears - in quiet, pure awe of
All the Ways that my Heart feels about me, about my Life …
I get it; nothing needs to be resurrected or remembered;
You are intertwined within me;
You are intertwined with my very being;
We are experiencing it together;
We are live-ing together;
For how foolish of me - in my hurting heart - to feel that You had forsaken me; to feel that I had lost part of You; and in doing so lost part of myself;
…
When we were about to be CLOSER than ever;
When You were becoming intertwined with every part of my being;
When we were experiencing everything that I am - my Heart; my Life; so intimately; so REAL;
Where we cannot ESCAPE from each other NOW
You are part of me as
I am a part of You.
Hidden
She hid parts of herself in so many places inside of Her Heart;
She held secrets in those chambers;
&
Every time - she peered in the mirror
She felt those hidden parts of Her
&
How she made this deal with HerSelf to keep quiet - those parts of Her; those secrets in those chambers;
&
Yet, She felt Her Destiny playing tricks on Her this entire time;
For His Eyes were upon Her
In those Hidden Places
In those Secret Chambers
He was there;
She didn’t have to come out of hiding - because She was already found;
She didn’t have to tell her secrets and release them from those chambers
He was there - One.step.ahead.of.Her.the.entire.time
She bared Her Soul
&
Every single vulnerability inside of Her Heart;
Without showing it to Him;
Without asking Him to listen; to press his heart to those secret chambers;
He saw it all &
Heard it all for HimSelf;
She didn’t have to come out of hiding
to be found;
She didn’t have to spill the secrets of her heart
to be heard;
to be understood;
My girl; my sweet, sweet girl - She was no longer HIDDEN!
Bismillah!
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
