Questioning?
Sometimes,
I get lost in the music,
To feel what’s really there,
Alive inside of my heart
&
Sometimes,
The music abandons me,
As if to say
You need to come face to face
With what’s really there
Inside of your heart
In front of you?
Coming face to face
With my Heart
My visions have always been a source of
Understanding who I am
Experiencing who I am
Viscerally Experiencing who I am
But now,
It is all seeping into my world; into my reality;
Where every moment; every breath feels like
I am facing myself.
Where everything’s been slowing down
To the moment lately
The Heart cannot hide itself for too long
Before it starts overflowing
At some point, all of its quiet whispers
Spill over into loud tellings of itself;
At some point, it must bear its secrets
For Secrets of the Heart
Are Destined to become Revelations of the Soul
It all begins with an inevitable countdown;
A time-stamp;
The clocks ticking
‘Till the alarm bell rings
&
It cannot hide itself any longer
… Tick Tick Boom
There goes my Heart
Spilling Over
Bearing ItSelf.
To stay in the grip of the Hands of Control
Is to completely fall through and miss the Hands of Pleasure
To stay in the grip of the Hands of Control
Is to live half-heartedly … barely-heartedly.
I’d rather be held in the Hands of Pleasure;
In the Hands of the Pleasures of my Heart
Where I feel ALIVE
Maybe confused at times
Maybe flowing between decided and undecided moments
Where I am creating REAL things
Where I am experiencing REAL things
Borne of the Intimacy of my Heart
Where I am experiencing myself
Where I understand myself more than ever
Where I am confused by the very things that bring deeper understandings of myself
Where that very confusion - propels me to question things more; to question myself more;
I’d rather give in to my Heart completely and more often
Because it is always speaking to me
Of the walking pieces of poetry of the human soul
Of the living, breathing canvases of the human soul
That cross my path
I’d rather turn up the Volume
The capacity of Life to hear my Heart
To hear the way I can feel
The purity; the pure innocence of those eyes;
The way I can feel
My heart wrapping you in its soft and gentle embrace.
I’d rather tell you
The Words that My Heart is relaying to you constantly.
Because if it’s not the time or place now,
Then when is it?
When and where can I tell you?
When and where can I show you?
All the Ways that my Heart sees and knows you.
Maybe one day,
I’ll be effortlessly versed in speaking the Language of my Heart
As if it is the only Language that I know;
That I remember
Because I’ve been waiting for the right time;
I’ve been waiting for the right place;
But neither has arrived.
Because it’s now - now is the right time; and here, right here is the right place.
She saw the VISION
A glimpse of it was enough for her to keep peering into it;
To keep familiarizing herself with it;
To keep feeling it;
To keep getting lost in it;
It was enough for her
‘Til She could no longer see the vision
Because She became the Vision
The Vision of Her Heart
Her Soul
Her God!
I feel that Life has this hold
This grip on me
And
It won’t let go of me
And
I have this need
To just break free of it
To feel the Way I once surrendered to myself
And
Every ounce of divinity within me.
To feel the Love that takes me to the Sanctuary of Freedom
Where my Soul exists
Bound to nothing;
Nothing-ness
Bound to ItSelf;
I miss every ounce of my divinity
I miss every ounce of my divinity
The Way the Gods danced with me
I miss the Way I allowed my Soul to engulf me
Entirely in its every whim;
And yet
Lately,
It’s been a different Walk
A different Path
Still, I continue to surrender to myself,
But
I am surrendering to every ounce of the human being that I am.
See, I can close my Eyes
And
I can take myself
To those Sanctuaries
Where I dance with the Gods;
Where They fill me with their nurturing Love;
I can travel through the Realms of my Soul
And
Feel the depths of my Power surging through me
Feel the unending nature of my Freedom
But,
To be here, now, with my eyes wide open
This is where my Heart needs to be
And maybe that’s why I feel Life holding so tightly to me
Because my Heart is holding to it just the same; matching its grip on me.
Sometimes, a person doesn’t have to know about “healing 101” to help you put yourself back together;
They don’t need to know about your inner child to make your heart light again … to make you feel ready to play with Life again;
They don’t need to speak of divinity or God’s Love - to love you so tenderly; so softly;
They don’t need to know of your heart breaks & heart aches to make the sadness all go away - once and for all;
They don’t need to know any of it; because all that matters to them is that they know you and they see you - simply; easily; effortlessly; naturally;
See, you create a Story for yourself to Live and Experience Life; You create and add all these Layers;
But amongst all these Layers - the Eyes of this Person twinkles as it gazes at what is at the core of these Layers - You!
Sometimes, there are nights where it still HURTS LIKE HELL;
Where there is a sense of peace within my mind;
A newer sense of understanding within my heart;
But, it still HURTS LIKE HELL;
The Hurt that waits for the Silence of the Night to make itself known
&
You know it’s coming;
You won’t be able to get through the night without
Hearing EVERYTHING that it has to say
Feeling its EXCRUCIATING PAIN;
Something feels a little different
Like I’m not being swept up in a current
That’s going to have its way with me
It’s this feeling; these whisperings lately - that the only way out is through;
…
But it still HURTS LIKE HELL
Because for the umpteenth time
It’s Hell - Party of One
There is no comfort; no solace to hold you;
Which makes me feel like for some reason,
I was meant to experience these moments ALONE;
Sometimes, it HURTS LIKE HELL
&
I’ve got to put everything else down for a moment
Not ‘heavy things’ per say
But I’ve just gotta have my hands empty to receive whatever these moments are;
These moments - are reaching for me to experience myself in a way that I haven’t before.
Today, it hurts, it’s still hurting
But somehow
I’m not here to soothe it today
I’m not here to endure it today
The only way out is through it
The hell of the hurt;
The hell of the pain;
It is making its way out of my body today
It’s on its way out
It’s on its way out
It’s on its way out
When She cried last night,
It was different;
She didn’t feel the Pillars of Her Own Comfort holding her
As she became so accustomed too;
Rather, there was a sense of this natural safety;
That though She couldn’t see it - there were many hearts holding Her in those moments;
She was making Her Way out of Her Personal Hell;
&
There were these Special & Pure Hearts holding Her as She made those last steps.
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
