“There are bits of reflections that I see that are not entering/ going with me into this new phase of my life.” 

I think for a long time, part of me has felt scared, because I’ve been doing life; live-ing life by myself in so many ways. 

I have felt really scared - that anything could happen to me and there would be no one around me. I felt really scared - that it would always be this lonely, and maybe that is why I never questioned the feeling of dread/ the intensity of that emotional pain that I held inside of me. It seemed to come hand in hand with that lingering sense of loneliness. The story - the feelings; the intensity of it all; expanded to the point where I just never expected my loneliness to be comforted - that the feeling of dread/ the feeling of hurting would one day melt under the Touch of Grace. 

Perhaps, I felt that I would be fixing/ resolving things for the rest of my life because when there is something to fix/ or something to be resolved - I am in control/ I am in charge. But this type of control must be experienced in a healthy balance, tip the scales and this type of control will consume you - it takes away your ease; your peace; your resting nature becomes disrupted.

My natural state is not to fix; it is not to resolve; it is not to come to the rescue; it is not to always be on guard to soothe a situation. 

I feel that this was such a huge part of who I thought I was - and now all Its Layers - Physically … Mentally … Emotionally … Energetically … it is all falling away. 

I cannot help but feel that this is the biggest transformation and evolution of myself that I have experienced within my entire life. 

I can feel all the Layers just coming OUT of me; just dropping off of me. I have never experienced a transformation quite like this before. 

I can feel it all just coming out of me. I cannot tell you what it feels like to have a part of You just give itself up for destruction, because even the dread/ even the pain loves you and its only intention was to protect You but once it understands; really understands that it is no longer necessary; no longer needed; once it understands that you are safe to live without it; to breathe un-stifled air with ease - it no longer holds on to You and You no longer hold on to it. 

I feel it now and I can tell that I won’t be feeling it for much longer and even so as it falls away - I feel a soft and sweet anticipation for the EASE that is about to befall me; Chelsea and my life and my live-ing. 

BISMILLAH! 

Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan