Practise Makes Perfect
Lately, I feel a new wave of clarity washing over me - I feel a lot less focused/ attached to/ drawn to the ‘circumstances’ of life. Somehow, it feels a little inconsequential in the sea of my Story.
Rather, my Story lies in understanding myself …
What I experience within myself is consequential in the World of the Soul; in the Sanctuary of the Soul; in the Heart of the Absolute.
This whole experience of being ‘confronted by my soul’ is obliterating me entirely - how I see myself, how I see my Life. It’s causing me to be absolutely present in a Way that I have never been prior, and yet I can feel that it is something that I have long desired to experience.
There is nothing that I experience outside of myself; outside of my Heart - my words, my paintings, the expansion and evolution of my Soul, how I experience myself in my day to day life and all its vulnerabilities.
No matter the tug-of-war of confusions and contradictions - the Ways of the Absolute have always pervaded in my Soul.
No matter the ways that my human nature tries to streamline the Ways of the Absolute - eventually it succumbs to Its Ways; beguiled by the REAL-ness of ItSelf that it feels within the Absolute.
Sometimes, the energy of the clarity flows and sometimes the energy of the confusion flows. And then there are times, where they flow in some sort of mysterious, harmonious synergy as though they are feeding off of each other. As though they have always existed as part of the other.
As though the confusion coaxes clarity to reveal more of itself; as though clarity brings out the confusions to breathe and I feel a sense of relief.
As though there is a power in allowing both ends of the contradiction to breathe simulataneously - the freedom comes in not restricting the other, to give space for the other, but allowing it to just flow.
The more I understand; the more I give in to the freedoms of the flow of my Sprit.
This week, I felt more complete; more whole within myself after these new understandings flowed through me and are still flowing.
Pracitse makes perfect.
Today, I realised that, every Layer of Freedom that I have unravelled within myself and allowed to flow through me ceaselessly and relentlessly - has unravelled even more layers of freedom for me to experience within myself.
When you walk through the first Gates of Freedom, it becomes easier and easier to just walk ahead - entering New Gates of Freedom.
In the World of the Evolution/ the Expansion of my Soul - I have experienced time and time again - giving myself completely unto It.
See, the Absolute - I feels Its fingers interlocked within mine and I just start walking through that new layer of understanding that awaits me.
In the World of my Writing - I see how the seamless flow of the Absolute is freedom, ItSelf. The Absolute allows me to Roam Its Heart and anything that lights a fire within me, We create something of it together - freedom to create.
In the World of my Paintings - it is the freedom of the holy and sacred nature of the Absolute that flows through me. It’s days full of those moments where I am soaked in the Presence of God; where I am seeing more of myself; understanding more of myself; where we are just in the Joy of each other’s presence; in the joys of being ALIVE & experiencing this Here & Now.
Maybe the Strength of my innate freedom shows in the Way the painting unveils itself to me only after it is finished. That my Hand holds the paint brush but every fibre of my being has given itself over to soul and source of my pure existence in that moment.
The Way that the Stories of the Paintings start writing itself in the days, weeks, months thereafter - timeless
Love
Artist - Chelsea Avasa Khan
I have built a Glorious Creative Home for myself - that has taught me my innate freedom and thereby paved my way to seamlessly experience myself in all the Layers of MY STORY!
But it still confuses me.
There is part of me
That constantly wants to SEE
What I feel on the inside - on the outside.
I have felt this for so long that I don’t know how to let go of it.
It makes me feel stuck sometimes - like I can’t move until something of my vision come alive on the outside; that the intensity of what I feel is ALIVE some place beyond me.
Now, I’d rather keep moving in the confusion because something will come of it.
I don’t want soft resentments to keep me from feeling what is inside of my heart.
I don’t want soft resentments to lay tiny pebbles in the streams of my heart - that I keep stumbling over; tripping over;
I feel it you know, the moment I detach from my heart and I somehow begin to feel cold and distant to life; to myself.
In the World of my Life; of experiencing my Life - there is the seamless flow of the Absolute; of my Soul; but I am getting the hang of it; ‘practise makes perfect’
I can’t help but feel that I have this deep TRUST embedded within me; in myself; in my Soul; in all and everything that I am that it filters into a single moment effortlessly - if Life knocks me over - well I’ll be knocked over; and when it starts picking me up again - I let it; and when it propels me forward into more and more of who I am - I fall in line with its momentum. I’m always listening to Her, my Soul - even when She speaks to me in confusions - I let my mind be baffled.
This TRUST is deeply embedded within me and as I have lived - I’ve made use of that TRUST every.single.day.of.my.life.
‘Practise makes perfect’
The more it flows without pauses in its momentum - the more it changes me; the more it changes how I see myself; understand myself; experience myself.
The more it changes how I SEE things - lately it’s made me ‘blind’ to these old perspectives; it dissolves right before my Eyes;
The more it changes how I SEE myself - all the ‘little negative ways’ that I’ve grown accustomed to over; my Soul is no longer allowing me to hold to these stories.
Lately, it’s flowing a lot more but there are still moments where I impede the flow.
Maybe because part of me doesn’t believe what my heart is telling me; which is interesting because when I am in the flow of experiencing myself; my Life so viscerally - it is the most REAL thing of feeling myself; of feeling who I am; of feeling everything that matters to me.
Then the moment passes and confusion surfaces; this bloody confusing confusion surfaces and I guess I have quietly become addicted to it.
What my Heart has given unto me - FULL in its nature - in my confusion, I dance around the edges of It as if my own Life does not belong to me.
I dance around the EDGES of it as if my own Life does not belong to me.
I’m hook, line and sinker
when it comes to my DIVINITY
when it comes to my WORLD OF WRITING
when it comes to my CANVASES
But when it comes to Me; when it comes to my Life; to my Heart - I am playing hard to get with the things that matter the most to me.
But I am getting better at it;
A lot better; My expansion is swift and graceful in its nature;
I am flowing more; pausing less;
Understanding more and more;
Practise makes perfect.
I am SURRENDERING PERMANENTLY to the matters of myself; of my Heart; of my Life; as I have surrendered to other expressions of my existence; perhaps with a new, more powerful surrender. A surrender strengthened by all the layers of surrender that I have built and experienced within myself prior.
EASE;
LOVE;
CREATIVITY;
I give in and surrender to the Graces of Your Flow;
Of the Sweet Intoxicating Nature of Your Harmonies;
May it become more addicting; more appealing than just hearing your melodies in brief moments here and there;
May I listen to YOUR HARMONIES and nothing else!
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
