I danced in my room today - headphones on. As a teenager, I remember dancing in my room, with the volume turned all the way up on my headphones - and it just felt like a natural part of me; the way that I expressed my energy - my passion; my joy; my love; my innate vibrancy. 

I love listening to music and it’s like my body cannot resist moving to it, but I haven’t danced the way I did today in a while, or maybe ever. 

I felt newly awakened in those movements - that I gave myself permission to express the LIFE that I feel so viscerally alive inside of me. At times, it felt like I was dancing with the Soul and Source of who I am; that we were dancing together; we were dancing together out loud; moving together in this way that celebrated Existence, ItSelf. 

I felt newly free - not quite knowing what my next movement was going to be; not needing to know; and being so intertwined with the present movement. I felt connected to myself in a way that I never have before. 

Much like my writing, my painting - I knew that my dancing was going to be a revelation to me and will continue to be. I knew that I would be intimately experiencing and expressing myself. I just felt myself come alive, quietly, in an entirely new way - a new grace; a new light; a new way to experience my connection with my Source. 

Much of my experience with the Absolute; with my Soul - has been and felt intense. I felt that intensity to be an innate part of me. An intensity that created experiences of yearning; of passion - at times feeling the Soul and Source of my existence so purely alive inside of me; and then at times feeling this intense yearning - that no matter what, I’d never be able to experience enough of it in my life. I also felt the yearning itself to be a part of me in a purely sacred and holy way. 

Now, my energy has shifted entirely and significantly. I feel my God Consciousness grounded in this very real way that it took me some time to really recognize and acknowledge it. See, initially, in my Journey, I spent a lot of my time in this quiet communion with God - feeling held in the Heavens of my Existence and everything that I felt was grand and infinite; holy and sacred. Thereafter, I had a very unique journey to ground all these energies of who I am - in the midst of the journey not yet aware that this is what was happening. 

See, lately a lot of my inner dialogue and what I’ve shared here on my blog has been focused on emotional clarity; mental clarity; physical ease. I’ve talked a lot about old energies; old vibrations; old reflections; old stories; old thoughts dissolving, perishing, withering away. And New; the Energy of New just flowing.

It’s gently dawning on me that all of this is streaming from my unique creation of God Consciousness. Now, I am quietly acknowledging that this Peace that I have felt as an innate part of me is that of the Absolute; of my Soul; that my Soul tells me it is necessary that I recognize and own this Peace within myself. It is not a fleeting feeling but a Slice of the Peace of the Heavens naturally and innately alive within me. 

See, I have been so intimately intertwined in my relationship with the Absolute - that I can highlight significant changes in how I experience God. There was a time, when my energy would reach outside of me to feel God; in moments of surrender; in moments of needing to be held by the Infinite. But now, my energy doesn’t go outside anymore for The Absolute is alive within me. God lives within me and I live within God.

God lives within me; and I live within God.

There was a time when I felt that Peace and knew it was of God - but it was there, outside of me - existing in the Infinite and I would go there to feel Solace and Rest in that Sanctuary but now, now that Sanctuary is within me and I am within it. This Peace of the Absolute - I exist now as a Piece of that Peace of the Absolute. 

You know, in that journey of grounding these layers of my unique expression of God Consciousness - I was unaware of the theme of the journey in the midst of it. It was hard for me, because I thought I lost my connection; my ability to feel and experience God. I became so accustomed to experiencing the Infinite holding me in Its Arms - it was like discovering this treasure chest and I thought at the time that I’d never leave these Jewels. I struck Gold, this was it for me. 

So in the grounding, I felt thoroughly ‘un-grounded’ - trying to find my Way back to that Treasure Chest while new Jewels were being placed within me. It feels like they were sneakily placed within me. While I thought I was trudging my way back to Old Jewels, I was actually doing the opposite - making my Way towards an entirely New Treasure Chest. 

In the grounding, I found myself intensely focused on the way that I was feeling; my thoughts; how I was feeling within my body - like I could not let go for a second. I didn’t realize at the time how much I was holding my own hand; guiding and navigating myself through the experience - moment to moment. I felt thoroughly ‘ungrounded’ within myself; with my connection to Life; with my relationship with God. I was living in this Heavenly Consciousness and then suddenly, everything went dark. 

In retrospect I am understanding more and more the depth of that journey of grounding. God was descending; landing within all the Layers of my Being; in a Way where I would effortlessly and naturally experience the Soul and Source of who I am in my day to day life. 

Within these past couple of days - I no longer feel that intense attachment to myself. There was a clear and defining moment yesterday where I felt myself having awoken out of it. It is a little funny those moments and how they usually unravel - see, because at some point this whole experience consumed me entirely and then in one moment yesterday, I just wondered to myself when did I become so attached to myself like that. As though I was ‘suddenly seeing the light’. Anyways, that ‘little moment’ was significant for me.

It ushered in my awareness that this Peace in my Heart; this Peace of Mind; this Peace within my Body is of my God Consciousness and how meticulously and intricately and gracefully has it flowed into my everyday Life so that I may stream it; flow it; channel it into all my experiences; into all my connections; into all my creations. 

Like I was saying earlier - much of my experience with God; with my Soul; with mySelf has been intense; what felt like a natural intensity; which makes sense to me - to experience the Heart of my Existence so viscerally alive inside of me is profoundly intense. I gave myself entirely to all those initial experiences; surrendered my Heart entirely; submerged all of my Being into It.

But now, my Journey feels like it has shifted - less intense; more at ease; more present; more connected here and now; more real; more intimate. 

This week, I am experiencing more of this new relationship with the ‘chill part of me’; unraveling all those new layers of lightness within myself. 

Creating more … dancing more … from this New Sanctuary of Peace.

Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan