“Give yourself something to live for” 

I dreamt that someone told me this. The person looking directly at me told me to give myself something to live for. And I’ve been quietly pondering upon it today but nothing’s really come to me yet. 

But today, today I felt really different - I felt effortlessly connected to myself. I’ve learnt what that connection to myself feels like and everyday, that’s been my keen point of focus - to fuel what feeds that connection in my day. It’s like I can tell the way certain things make me feel and anticipate how to care and nurture myself in those moments. But today, today it was different - it was like that focus wasn’t needed at all. I just feel like myself - like there is nothing pushing against who I am; like there is nothing pushing against my innate nature. 

I felt a natural sense of happiness and ease flowing through me. It’s a bit of a funny analogy - but sometimes on a Sunday morning, I love waking up early and just going for a drive to get doubles. There’s just this peace and ease flowing; where Life is flowing in one effortless layer of Simplicity. I feel so present and full. So today, when I felt those moments of effortless connection to myself, I thought to myself that I was feeling ‘my Sunday vibe’ on a Friday. It was like a moment of recognizing that I can have that - I can have it everyday of my life. I see more and more everyday how this relationship with the ‘chill part’ of me is establishing itself more and more. Isn’t it amazing to experience yourself in an entirely new way - that is still so familiar to you and so grounded in your natural nature.

And yet, there is this lingering feeling inside of me - that I am still living on the outskirts of my life; that in the same way that I feel so intimately connected to myself - I am missing that connection to my life. Life feels a bit cold, like it’s not yet what it’s supposed to be; what it needs to be for me; like it’s still in the midst of building itself. There is a depth in my Life that I am seeking to unearth; to experience; to live and be a part of. 

I think that is something that I am in the midst of figuring out for myself - what that intimate connection to my Life encompasses. 

It’s like I pour my Heart and Soul into everything that I am creating - in my Artistic World; in my Creative Home. When it comes to experiencing all the clarities and expansions and understandings of the Absolute; of Humanity; of my Soul; of mySelf - I am all in; all present; ready to dive in and explore and discover what is there. But when it comes to me, Chelsea - it feels empty, vacant … like something is missing; like there is a lot that there is missing. It feels less sad and less heavy and more matter of fact - that it’s time for my Life to be Full of ItSelf; full of the things that matter to me; that emptiness … that vacancy needs to be filled now; occupied now. In the same way I feel so at Home within my Creative Space - I need to feel at Home within my Life. 

Maybe that’s what my dream stemmed from - Give yourself something to live for. Give yourself the life that you want to wake up for and live everyday. Giving unto myself the Life that I feel wrapping its Vines around me; wrapping Its Tender Vines around me; around my Heart. In the same way I feel God holding me; in the same way that I feel my Soul so vibrantly alive within me everyday; in the same way that I feel so at Home within my Creative Space - I need this within my Life. I just want my Life to hold me within the Centre of Its Heart; like it carved out that Space just for me; just for Chelsea. I want to wake up inside of that Carved Out Space - that space carved out within all the depths of Its Heart. 

Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan 

*Sidenote - the person in my dream that told me to give myself something to live for was Channing Tatum; just thought that I would include this minor detail at the end, in case it was ever relevant to the plot you know.