Again, 

Again, She’s changed. 

In my earlier series of posts, Confronted by my Soul, I was experiencing a lot of clarity - seeing all the Ways that I saw myself - quietly within my Internal World, that was not who I am. Now, I feel that the experience has shifted in that I am seeing more and more clearly who I am. 

In essence, there is a familiarity amongst it all - familiar ways that I experienced myself that were not true to who I am and then, familiar ways that are integral to who I am, that are natural to who I am and how I experience myself and my life. 

I feel a new sense of Strength blossomed within me; a new sense of Maturity reflected in this emotional ease and stability within myself. And even though I say that it is new, it has always been a part of me but now I see it clearly - beyond seeing it, it feels like I have come Home to myself. 

This weekend, I felt what I described as an emotional rawness within myself; within my Heart. I know myself deeply and when moments like this arise, there is a natural reaction in the way that I care for myself, the way that I soothe myself - almost like I inherently know the steps to navigate through it. But this time, it was a bit different - the Way I navigated through it expanded. 

The emotional rawness felt exhausted and yet significantly less intense. I spent time in solitude but also I opened up to Life around me. Initially hesitant to open up as in knowing myself deeply - I understand the depths of this emotional rawness that is flowing through me and not sure if Life would understand it too - be able to meet me where I am and soothe and comfort me in the Ways that I needed too. 

My internal dialogue kept expanding itself throughout the day and revealing more and more clarity. See, I had to first of all acknowledge the significance that I know who I am - so deeply; so intricately; that in moments like these, I am there for myself in all the Ways that I need to be; it is embedded into me at this point. I had to acknowledge how special that is - to have such an intimate connection with myself that I show up for myself effortlessly. Giving myself the Grace and Space to experience these moments; that in itself is a beautiful reflection of the Ways that I care for and nurture my Heart consistently. 

I see how delicately and tenderly I care for my Heart and I can feel that my Heart trusts me to take the Reins and care for it. When I sensed that emotional rawness, there was no intense emotional response to it - as though my Heart was telling me, “You got this!”

Throughout the day, I had different interactions, conversations - and I realized that it was like a pie chart, and there were several ways that Life was opening up to me and with me, allowing me to be soothed, comforted; allowing me to just exist in that emotional rawness/ in that ‘exhaustion/weakness’ that I was feeling; allowing me to talk about it … just allowing me … allowing me to be … allowing me to exist as I am. 

It wasn’t about moving through it; moving on from it … It was me seeing for myself that in those moments, I myself can allow it; not expecting more of myself; just allowing myself to exist as is in those moments. 

I also felt that there is a significance in the people that are present around you in those moments - that sometimes you don’t necessarily have to vocalize everything that you’re feeling but at the same time you can feel that they’re sharing in that moment with you; they’re experiencing that moment with you - just by being present. All the little moments are pretty big moments you know, the capacity it has to hold you and just be there with you. 

This weekend, I felt what I described as an emotional rawness within myself; within my Heart. 

It highlighted something within me that I no longer need to carry - this inner fight/ conflict within me - of wanting to be seen; of needing to be seen for who I am. It is something that I lay to rest within myself. 

Carry on this fight for too long, and you become blinded to all the Ways that life is seeing you; 

It also highlighted that it is both less about me and more about me in the sense that when you just let it be; let it be easy; let it be good; you experience such a greater depth of yourself; of life; as opposed to being trapped in an internal conflict/ fight with yourself. 

With that being said, I am going to experience a greater depth of internal and personal happiness in my life from now on. 

Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan

* My Energy has evolved into something entirely new. As I feel these layers of mental clarity, emotional stability and physical ease settling within me, I am quietly observing the Newness of my Energy; the Newness of mySelf. I’ve been consciously intertwined with its unfolding throughout the years - daily; moment to moment and today, today I can acknowledge and be in awe of all and everything that I am in this moment, now. It feels like I am entering an entirely new phase of my Life; of experiencing myself.

All these Energies feel settled in a Way that I was not expecting - it’s always ebbed and flowed in its intensity, but now it feels naturally at ease, ‘doing less to create more’. It has become so much a part of me that I effortlessly express it now.

In some ways, I just can’t put into words right now, how special this feels to me - to surrender to the Absolute; to surrender to my Soul; to surrender to mySelf; to my Heart and to be able to experience all of this here and now and be so consciously aware of my journey.

I just quietly feel my Heart telling me that I have arrived; I have arrived; I have arrived! Though I can’t quite sense the destination that I have arrived at, My Soul is gleaming with Pure Joy at where I have landed!

…

Perhaps, the destination is myself; the Person that I am.

Bismillah!